This Sad Ish Right Here

What’s popping? The SASS here. Since being slightly anti-social is part of my makeup (and I don’t mean Cover Girl) no apologies will be offered for any absence on my part.

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I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s morphed into commercial bullshit. It’s also become a tactic of braggado (combo of brag and bravado) to see which female can sport the biggest romantic gifts (read: the ring) and brag about which one received the most romantic of gestures. I ain’t for that crap.

That’s not what this post is about though.

While lounging in my hibernation chamber, I was thumbing through some channels and there is a trend that I’m finding very unsettling. Apparently, a lot of men have been trading their schlongs for canoes—misreading getting in touch with their sensitive sides to auction their balls off on eBay and stocking up on estrogen.

In other words, pussyfooting is the new man’s swagger.

relationshipwithme

You want to know why I’m single? Well one of the main reasons is because whatever mate I’m with has to be tougher than I am. You see, I’m not one of those females who are grossed out at the sight of blood or is afraid to get my hands dirty when trying to do a task. Miss me with the whole “fiddle-dee-dee Scarlet” madness. Also, I’m the wrong woman to get when your draws are in a knot after dealing with a less than pleasant person on the job, in traffic, in general. Not saying I won’t listen but a whiner will get my telling him to suck that shit up.

Another reason is that this “new” type of man isn’t using the right type of language to convey what he really wants. I know society has mandated that it’s not exactly proper to come straight out and say, “I just want to have sex with you” but it would be better to state it from the gate so that there’s no confusion. None of this covert language of “let’s be friends” or even worse “this build a friendship” spiel when the guy really wants a relationship. Just causes a bit too much confusion especially if there’s a female that’s going to take what a guy “says” at face value, not necessarily what he does.

sissyman

For instance, this associate of mine who was trying to find a new friend. She had on her profile she just wanted friends—nothing in there said anything about “benefits” or “relationship”. There were many men who thought there was some secret language in there and was steady offering the “d”, if you get my drift but girl wasn’t having it. Then, an intelligent life form (because it seems having a good conversation is becoming obsolete) named Bemo approached her and seemed to fit the protocol on paper and even in chatting.

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However, meeting like an entirely different animal. Bemo went from being that cool guy one could geek out with to acting out his “I’m not over my last boo—highly insecure—sure, I said I wanted friendship but can you be my rebound chic” type drama. Ol’ girl had to put the brakes on that quick, fast, and in a hurry. Is it so hard to find someone with reading comprehension, listening comprehension and emotional maturity?

Um … in this dating age, yes. Men like Bemo trek the norm as opposed to the exception. One can no longer assume or even expect anyone to have anything closely related to act right (what others would coin etiquette). So, even if to one person it may be “duh”, you have to ask or you may be assed out of luck.

Heidi, another one of my associates was brought up on the guy pays for everything spiel. Since it was all she had been exposed to, she didn’t think there were any exceptions. So, Heidi was shocked when she went out on one date with a guy and he pulled up his calculator app to calculate to the penny what her portion of the meal equated. Heidi put up a hissy fit but that dude would not be moved—she had to pony up or scrub some pots. To save her dignity, she paid and gave me the blow by blow. I pissed her off more when I started laughing. I laughed because they should have had “the conversation”.

The short version is that “the conversation” is talk, text, or email that outline elements of an outing, such as the type of outing, time of outing, transportation/meeting arrangements, and perhaps the most important element, who is dishing out the cash.

I’m not dumb enough to go anywhere without emergency money but hey, everybody isn’t me.

If Heidi would have had “the conversation” with dude, she would have known in advance that all he does is Dutch. Maybe it doesn’t matter to him if he initiated the meeting; he was only going to pay his half—nothing more, nothing less.

Who knows? “The conversation” could also serve as a tool for elimination. I’m going to cue a dramatization with “the conversation” in play.

Business people, telephone, conversation, communication

Heidi: I’m so glad we’re finally arranging a time to meet.

Dude: Yeah me too. So, Cartier at 7 tonight works for you?

Heidi: Sure. Isn’t it that new French restaurant on the corner of Stuckington Avenue?

Dude: You’ve got it … dressing to the nines is a must in there.

Heidi: This is a perfect time to break in my new heels. So, are we meeting there or are you coming to get me?

Dude: Hey, can you swing by and get me? My car isn’t out of the shop yet.

Heidi: You’re about an hour out, think it’d be easier if we just meet at the restaurant.

Dude: You sure you can’t? There are always delays with mass transit.

Heidi: Guess you’re going to have to leave earlier.

Dude: Um … okay. It’s good I got paid today. It’s rare I treat myself to some French eats.

Heidi: You mean treat a date to French eats, right?

Dude: No, just me.

Heidi: Whoa! Wait a minute. Although going to Cartier is your idea, you expect me to pay for my own meal?

Dude: My mistake. I thought you had gotten paid, too. We can reschedule this until your check comes in.

Heidi: You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I don’t think we should meet at all.

Dude: You’re the boss but it’s your loss. (click)

See how disaster got avoided with “the conversation”? Heidi can go on to find someone more in line with her experiences, and Dude can continue being … well … the dude.

mangina

I don’t have the energy to rant about how the dating game could be better. It’s too late to recall all of the manginas; there’s too many of these dudes out there. All I will say is if signs come up that a man is more pissy, prissy, and pussy than you and that’s something you can’t tolerate, then don’t mess with the man. Just because there’s a man shortage doesn’t mean you should saddle yourself with an abundance of misery. That’s what inflatable dolls, Snuggie Blankets, movies, chocolate, alcohol, and sex toys are for.

Oh well. That could be just me.

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